Four (funny) Memories of my Dad

My 5'4" Korean dad is only funny when he's being earnest. Majority of the time, he has the Napoleon complex.

1. In the car, he is driving, going to drop me off at school. Out of the blue, he sneezes the loudest dog bark with icky evidence splattering on the windshield. "Oops, so sorry," he says, while turning on the wipers.

2. Mom is giving dad the silent treatment over a fight for the 3rd day now. She is in bed, boycotting all household duties and meal cooking. He is hungry, ready to move on, and in his "I don't remember why she is like this" mode. He walks into the bedroom, lifts up her blanket and says, "Are the eggs hatched yet?"

3. A new Kohls opened up in our area. Mom asks, "I wonder what kind of store that is." Dad answers, "Don't even bother to shop there. They only sell bathroom faucets."

4. He gave his friend in Korea his email address (missing a letter). His friend calls him on his cell phone to tell him his emails have been bouncing back. My father replies, "Of course, they're going to come back to you, I'm not at home right now and my computer is off."

You Have to Feel Good About Youself...

in order to do anything nowadays! Seriously, these days, I'm just so down on myself, for whatever reasons: 2 large facial pimples, fingers and feet swollen, having to get ready for a family trip, cat snots on the wall, etc. etc. I really need to find some peace and fast because the little ones will be on the receiving end of my illogical wrath. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it when they are just being children and mommy becomes the one-eyed chartreuse monster just because she's feeling like shit.

It makes me even more miserable. I whaled on H for eating her Oreos in such a messy way. I whaled on T for refusing to share the pear pieces I peeled and cut for him. Both those situations could have been better handled. With loving explanations and patient modeling. But NOoooooooo.....I had to rage and raise my voice and get my point across by being a total bitch. Poor kiddies...they cowered.

Dear God,

Please help me. I need help. I need intervention. I need an exorcism. Please let me get through the month without these type of outbursts. Help me maintain my composure and exercise the benevolent tolerance I had as a teacher. Will keeping this in mind put me in check? Is blogging like confession? Can I be absolved for my morning sins through full admission of guilt and then some? I need serious help.