Missing Mike

I took the kids to Sentosa Island today. We are planning to stay one night here. H is sleeping on the bed and T is watching some dumb cartoon that has children speaking with the Singlish accent the locals use here. He is hungry, I am bored, and H is still sleeping soundly grinding her teeth. We spent the afternoon at the hotel pool. No sun, just clouds and some intermittent drops of rain. Mike has been away for 4 days in Australia. He is due to return tomorrow night.
I am finding myself unable to focus on anything but him. I miss him soooooo much it hurts. I took for granted the last 5 years he was home with us, working and helping me raise the kids. He changed as many diapers, washed as many bottles, fixed as many chocolate milks as me. He made sure the kids' needs were met when I was still brushing my teeth upstairs or taking a shower. He also ate many meals with us. And yet, I never took the time to appreciate it at any time during the course of those 5 years. Many thought I was very lucky to have such a wonderful situation. I didn't even give it a second of thought.

In fact, I even looked forward to his departure on his many business trips since it gave me a sense of relief and distance from him. There were times when he was more irritable, more stressed and less pleasant to be around and the opportunity to have some distance was always a welcome. But I always knew he traveled around in the same country, whether it was California, NY, Maryland, Arizona, etc. But now, he needs a passport whenever he heads to the airport.

As regional manager of Southeast Asia, he is responsible for Thailand, Hong Kong, Vietnam, Malaysia and Australia. His post here has been keeping him so busy he barely has time to eat or sleep. And to top it off, here we are, the 3 of us, needing him more than ever. The children ask of his whereabouts constantly. It is making me crazy! And when we do see him, I am finding myself shooing them away so I can have some time with him alone. Have I become the green-eyed monster????

It is like dating all over again. I just don't know when we can have time together and when we do, we can't be alone because two very small individuals constantly cut in on our time. I hope this gets better. I know I need to find my own community of support and camaraderie. I'm hoping that once the maid comes, we can begin to get busy making this mausoleum our home. Once the house feels like home, maybe we can feel more settled and secure emotionally. I also need to get the kids enrolled in a school. I have so much crap to get done it's not even funny. I need to stop wasting time ruminating about things that can't be changed. Keep moving forward...