On Helping an Adoptee...

I've had the privilege of meeting and getting to know Korean adoptees while volunteering. One in particular called the phone to ask for more info about Korean culture. Upon conversing a while longer she and I felt a strong kinship surrounding her adoption. At the time we met, she had already located her birth family and was ready to fly to Korea to meet them. I helped her communicate with her birthfather and birthmother on the phone as an interpreter. It was gut wrenching to listen to the dialogue of why's and forgive me's.

In time, we built a solid trusting friendship between us and began to meet each other on a personal basis. Interestingly enough, I had been attracted to her initially because she seemed like a very together person with a solid marriage and family life. Little by little, her story began to unfold with all the horrors I've only read about in books and newspapers. It was hard for me to simply sit there and listen and not pass judgment and not tell her what to do. I couldn't allow the abuse that was going on to continue.

Needless to say, our friendship cooled off a lot and we now communicate via occasional emails. It's very sad to me that she is in such a violent marriage. I don't know how to befriend someone who is always in need of intervention. She had a hard time going through the reunion with her birth family in Korea without the moral support of her husband but she did do it. And she has closed that chapter in her life.

I am about to embark on another "project" to help another adoptee start her search. We located 5 orphanages with the same name on her hospital records. We will begin the cold calling very soon. These issues are emotionally charged and quite difficult to navigate for the adoptee. I, on the other hand, approach the search like detective work. I hate to say it, but I hope I don't wind up breaking another friendship.

I think it would certainly be a bad reflection on my part.