On Being Thirty Eight Years Old

I turned 38 on the 26th. We were vacationing in Santa Cruz/Carmel/SF. I had a wonderful time getting away with the family. The toddlers were great. No strollers, no carseats. They even wore their backpacks with diapers and snacks in them. We met our dear friends for lunch and dinner. It was just lovely.

I just wished I looked better. I would love to lose this weight and have more energy. It just makes it that much harder for me to feel good or have a pleasant expression when trying to be social. I joined a health club today. I will also hire a personal trainer to help me lose the pounds. I am determined to get to my goal weight of 135 lbs.

Being overweight at thirty eight: Clothes do not fit well. Bathing suits aren't flattering. Having toddler resting on your overhang as you are carrying him around is not attractive to observe. I always feel swollen and look like I'm retaining an extra gallon of water all over. It simply sucks.

On the other hand, I feel like I've gained yet another perspective of life that makes me think that I should be doing much much more with my life. Mike wants me to focus more on myself this year. He wants me to give up the non-profit work and work on building myself back up to the standard I will be happy with. I thank God my husband supports me this way yet I'm not sure he completely understands the core of my being either. He didn't know that I was getting an emotional fulfillment from volunteering. I thought that was very telling.