Botox cannot erase...

38 years of frowning, angst or chagrins. Yup, had an appointment with the doc today for 6 injections of Botox. My forehead was beginning to look like a wave symbol in hieroglyphics so I decided to try Botoxing them. She said I would begin noticing the affects after a week. So far, nothing...am only somewhat disappointed that I couldn't see any immediate results.

I truly believe those frown lines are evidences of the realist in me. Never being able to be joyful in the moment and tendencies to analyze first, sorta like testing out thin ice by tapping it with your foot to see if it'll crack...then of course, it becomes anticlimactic even if it is a safe thing to express happiness. (sigh) See? There I go again...

I've always envied people who can get through the trivials of living each and everyday with a smile. A smile says so much about the happy soul residing in that person. Smiles are like discovering the intricate patterns of a single snowflake when there is a winter storm outside. I want to be a happiness expresser!! I want to be illuminated from within with contentment, all my blessings in life and so many little things that make me quiver with smugness. And yes, I do have many moments like that.

For example, present moment: Daddy is lying on the couch sharing a PBJ sandwich with 2 toddlers while watching/mimicking the characters of the movie Chicken Little. That's pure joy! They're singing, "It's the end of the world as we know it...." Baby girl is stringing 2 word phrases, "Daddy alien, baby alien, mommy alien..." Baby boy is tonguing the roof of his mouth of PBJ sandwich. Ahhhhhhhh.....is it a scene to cherish and capture to tuck away in the far reaches of my cluttered mind? Fucking yes.